Shit Awards

Brit awards last night, dreadful as ever. Sharon Osbourne seems to have crossed the invisible plastic surgery boundary from looking well maintained to looking like Joan Rivers. She was the perfect screeching harridan to host the event (the other family were there too, but they didn't do much). It was like having the Brit's hosted by one of your friend's mums that no one likes but she thinks everyone likes her and she's down with the kids because she screams a lot. Mika opened with his dreadful caterwauling and jerky flailings entirely ruining the fantastic Beth Ditto's all too brief cameo. The Klaxons ruined Rhianna, Wino ruined Mark Ronson. The lead singer of the Kaiser Chiefs was looking quite fit and the set was great, shame about the TERRIBLE song ... which sounds even worse live than it does recorded. Worst parts of the evening had to have been Amy Winehouse and Paul McCartney.

Wino missed her cue in the first song like a bad karaoke singer and although clawed it back then sang like she had a deadly combination of tourettes and epilepsy. The woman cannot dance: she looks like a particularly skinny granny having a good 'ol fashion knees up. Someone needs to tell her as well that she is a singer and it would be nice if she actually sang, rather than burping and covulsing her way through every vocal performance like its impossible for her to sustain a note beyond .1 of a second. I'm beginning to think she can't actually sing and Mark Ronson has used mad scientist recording technology to make it sound like she can on her album. I'm sick of watching her trying so PAINFULLY hard to be nonchalant and hip. Ugh.

McCartney was the worst though. Give him a lifetime achievement award, fine. Strap him to a wheelchair and just roll him straight across the stage dropping the award into his lap as he wheels passed the podium. Why anybody wants to see grandad play the piano is beyond me. Maybe next year Sting will perform with his lute. Plus surely to receive a lifetime achievement award you actually need a lifetime of achievement, not just a period 50 years ago when people thought you were quite good. The Beatles have to be the most overrated band of all time, not because they weren't good, but because no one deserves the outrageous amount of attention and sycophancy that is heaped upon them on a daily basis.

As for who won the awards, who cares? Can you remember who won last year? The nominations for Best British Male featured three people I'd never heard of before. 3/5 nice.