Breakfast of Kings

I've got a new addiction and its the Full English Breakfast Muffin at Eat. I have two states of being: a parsimonious, healthy, dietary, monk-like, teetotal, drug-free angel and if I'm not making the effort then I slide immediately to the opposite end of the scale, no middle ground. So despite the fact that every single breakfast I had in January was muesli with either soya milk or low fat yoghurt, virtually every breakfast in February has either been the saturated fat saturated products of the worlds most commercial clown, or the Eat Breakfast Muffin.

In my defence it is cold and miserable and what would you opt for after riding on a crowded train and then an equally crowded tube? Could you really stand in a shop and think 'mmmm low fat yoghurt and muesli' when you could have a freshly toasted delicious muffin with sausage, egg, bacon and ketchup? COULD YOU? I hope not. In an bid to end the cycle of abuse I looked it up online today to check out the nutritional information (which is obviously not avaliable in the shop). It may have done the trick:

ENERGY VALUES (kcal) per pack 759
FAT (g) per pack 30.4
OF WHICH SATURATES (g) 12.4
SODIUM (mg) 1700

Mmmmmmmmmmm, artery clogging. Plus there's a lot of ketchup (sugar) on top of that. Also if you have that much red meat and grease for breakfast you need something to cut through it all so there's a can of fat coke on top (extra 100 kcal). Should be pretty obvious that the title of this post refers exclusively to Henry VIII, Elvis and Taufa'ahau Tupou (until his recent death the world's heaviest monarch at 440llbs). It's only a matter of time before Channel 4 makes a documentary about me: 'I haven't been able to leave the house in three years' 'The man who turned into bacon' '500lbs and 500 hours to live', something like that.