Dip, peace and Aliens.

Woke up early(ish) in the morning and headed uptown to the blissful peace of the Harlem deck. Comfort and serenity was shortly enjoined by delicious food and much rubbing of belly. Had a (million potions of a) dip of cheese, chicken and spices [propriety prevents me from revealing too much] and if that wasn't enough was followed up by delicious, tender, fall apart when you breathe too hard on it meat and pasta. Who's a lucky house guest? Along with the food there was great company and Trivial Pursuit action. Much hilarity was had on Ken's suggestion that we make aliens out of our chins and film them upside down. First time I've cried with laughter without the aid of drugs or a comedian in quite some time!

Saturday brunch, New York, New York

Got up, hooked up the AC and went to brunch. Ate a cobb salad in a place that was NY from its checkered floor to wood ceiling. Great brunch place. Would've felt more NY if there'd been an American at breakfast but it still worked with a Canuk and a couple of english guys. Went back to James' place and we celebrated the cool delights of the AC. We then tidied the huge amount of mess out of James' giant apartment and it was almost habitable by the end. Had a joint, got chinese food. Chinese food was courtesy of Joe's Shanghai and their legendary soup dumplings. They were everything I hoped for and a little more. By the late evening I was stoned and in no mood for the coke fueled high-jinks planned for on the town so headed to bed and blissful sleep.

Heat, heat and then some humidity for good measure.

Friday woke up on James' couch in sweltering heat and pretty much stayed in the same position and temperature for the rest of the day. James didn't get up til 4 and I was too hungover and hot to consider creating fun for myself. In the evening I ended up getting pot and ice cream. Later on Foxley came over and we hung out, watched TV, got EXTREMELY hot and sweated. At about 11:30 Foxley couldn't take any more and headed home. At about 12pm James said 'I should really hook up the AC in here'. Turned out that he had a $2000 air conditioner for the living room which was functional apart from the fact that it was not hooked up. I suggested we do it now but James said it would take hours and was too stoned to attempt it. We hooked it up in the morning. It took about 4 minutes. I hate him. So do my sweaty clothes.

Booze, guitairs, pot and fifties dancing

Most of Thursday's activities were relegated to lying on the sofa and going ooooh, aaaaah at the pain in my poor muscles. Still slightly sore now and its 4 days later. First activity of the day was meeting the Saint at her office, alas severe injury and David Sedaris meant we had to reschedule for meeting at the Food Emproium instead, not exactly a hardship. After a quick shop for o-so-delicious curry paste and a suicide-inducing crawl through NY's finest muggy heat we arrived at Brendan's apartment. An evening of pot-smoking, guitair playing, drinking and drunken shouting ensued. Its hard thinking about being grown up and successful and celebrating with fancy clothes and chamagne when all I ever want to do is drink beer, smoke pot and sit on a couch. Could be hard to pull off at a work function. So after a blissfully debauched scene I dragged myself out to meet James and Jenny. Jenny is an old-school NY party girl was a feature of the Party Monster book/movie/murder. Needless to say time hadn't dapened her party inclination and after hitting a couple of less than enticing venues we danced into the small hours to jive music at some downtowm dive bar. I was drunk. I accidentally made out with Jenny. I blame her.

Like a person, but better

Today I woke up sore from yoga yesterday. Yesterday's yoga was in preparation for the fact that Carleigh was going to take me to a full on yoga class. As I hadn't done any yoga for a while and had never been to an Ashtanga class I thought I'd better have a go before humiliating myself in public. Turns out I needn't have bothered since everyone in the class was bascially elastic held together by rubber and I'm more fat and gristle held together by titanium and dodgy ligaments. Thought I did well all things considered and was absolutely pouring sweat within 2 seconds of the first salutation. I'm a big fan of jumping in at the deep end, think you learn faster and achieve more and the class was certainly that. Have been very stiff and suffering ever since but a hot bath and some delicate streching (and 4 G&T's) mean I'm feeling no pain. After class Carliegh got me a coconut water drink (which I have a funny feeling I could become obsessed with ... has the strangest taste and texture, amazing) and then bought me a sushi lunch in a place a couple pf blocks down fifth avenue. After that we rode the subway together and she dropped me off so I could go grocery shopping at Trader Joes. Headed home and was pleasently surprised to find the Saint in residence. we hung out, got groceries and then Carliegh came over for dinner. Dinner and drinks on the deck were followed by a quick blast of opera in the stairwell courtesy of Carleigh. Couple more drinks later and I'm ready for bed. Quite the day.

New York a la Francaise

Wednesday was spent in anticipation of seeing Drury. I was expecting that to be about lunchtime but it ended up being more about 4. Spent a peaceful day doing yoga on the deck, enjoying the sunshine and having lunch. Went downtown to meet Drury and managed to squeeze in Chipotle and picking my keys up from the Saint. Hung out with Drur for an hour or so and then headed to James' place. Met Taylor for the first time, great guy. Southern drawl, could give a shit attitude and a pipe full of green. My kind of guy. Was invited by Steve to go to an opening at the Milk gallery. Great to see her, not so great to see the art ... coloured photos of Bowie, Lou Reed and some other douche. Quelle horreur. Fun though, was like being on a film set of every New york art party I've ever seen committed to celluloid. Lots of beautiful people looking over each others shoulders, downing the free booze and generally looking very pleased with themselves. Elijah Wood was there, unsurprisingly small but surprisingly unprepossessing. In the same way that restaurants you see on television look very run of the mill in real life, so did Elijah. I was expecting lumious blue eyes and star quality. I got friendly looking short guy. Afterwards we all went to a French restaurant opposite Pastis for salad nicoise and steak tartare. Great meal, great company, great night.

Travels with the Subway

Yesterday was spent going round the city on the subway to have lunch with James, drop Drury at an appointment and meet the Saint at her office. I'm still in such tourist heaven than simply walking around and looking is all the entertainment I need. Saw a lot of the city, saw a lot of sunshine and walked up a storm. Met the Saint and she took me to some of New York's finer food emporiums ... great Asian supermarket, organic food nestled under tiled arches and an over priced gorcers straight off the pages of 90s design book. As if that wasn't reward enough we then met the Boss at the infamous Isohama and indulged in sushi heaven. Thanks to knowledgable and confient guides I was taken on a tour of Isohama's finest offerings and particularly enjoyed avacado sushi filled with crunchy shrimpy deliciousness and a seaweed salad containing the magical and mysterious invisbile seaweed. Short cab ride later and we achieved deck and cigarettes. Bit of TV then bed. Bliss

Deck the deck with boughs of beer

Sunday was spent in a mixture of sunshine and rain out on the deck drinking beers and smoking cigarettes. Was my first opportunity to meet the heavenly host associated with the Saint (including upstairs neighbour, bridal handmaidens and their relatives) and it was a fantastic day. highlight was the food ... delicious Cuban pork and a great leek risotto to go with it. Beer, jet lag and sunshine got to me and I was in bed by 11.

Mermaids and sleep

Saturday I went for breakfast/lunch with James and then headed to Union Square to pick up Drury. 6 years since I'd seen her. We all headed down to Coney Island to see the Mermaid Parade. Missed most of the parade but it was great to be in place that is mentioned in every New York based movie/sit-com ever made. Wanted to go on the rollercoaster but the line was too long. Perhaps a return visit is in order. Walked along a surprisingly nice beach and then came back into town. On the way back to James' we stoppped at Chipotle and got burritos. Words cannot describe the glory of Chipotle .. spicy, healthy, voluminous - I'll be going back post haste. The idea was then to go back and have beers before heading out for Jenny's birthday. While James went out to get beer I decided to take a quick disco nap, it was 9 ... thought I could sleep to ten and be ready for a long night out. Instead I slept til 7:30 and was ready for breakfast.

The city so good they named it twice

I'm in New York! I'd never understood the 'named it twice' moniker for New York until someone I knew moved here and told me their address. Silly me. Decided I need to blog before I forget everything I've done and when people ask me what I did on my trip I look blank and say 'Went for drinks?'. Flew in on Friday after enduring 8 hours of stress and fear. Neither of which was relieved by the in flight movie selection of the Spyderwyck Chronicles, Horton Hears a Hoo and 27 Dresses. Had the traditional NY taxi greeting of man who didn't know where I was going and didn't know what anti-perspirant was. It was hot, hot, hot ... humid and sticky. Nice change from London, feels like I'm enjoying a city break while at the same time having the benefits of a beach holiday.

Arrived at the Saint's abode and as befits someone so cannonized it is heavenly. Leather couches, wooden floors and a glorious deck. Within 3 minutes of arrival I was on the deck with a beer, on my 5th cigaretteand the flight began to seem like a very long time ago. Unfortunately I wasn't allowed to tarry as my prescence was requested downtown. Got a local cab company to drive me down which meant I rode down in a giant blacked out SUV decorated with crucifixes. Went round to Foxley's place. first time I'd seen him in four years. Met his boyfriend and two of his boyfriend's friends before heading out to James' place. Had drinks there with Jenny and a Canadian guy and waited for Noods to arrive. When she got in we all headed out for drinks on the town. one short drink later that was abandoned and I headed back with Foxley to smoke pot and watch TV. Saw a great reality show about people auditioning to be presenters on the food network. I use the word 'people' loosely. James came over and I crashed at his about 6 am ... which was 11 am London time!

Houston, we have no problem

Mission achieved as far as Friday night was concerned, Rowley was drunker than Lindsay Lohan and I wasn't far behind. Saturday night was Amy's farewell drinks as she's off to Brazil for 2 months (must try not to hate her). So basically the entire weekend was a blur of alcohol and hangovers. Ugh. There must be more to life than this. Although if there was you'd think I'd have discovered it by now, so maybe I'll just go on with the booze. Was great to see Rowley, seems being at war agrees with him - he was looking tan and skinny. Guess that proves how misplaced the beauty industry's focus is. He got some weird stomach bug and lost 14lbs in 4 days and has been at war in a desert. Don't see that making it way into any 'Editor recommends' columns any time soon. Should probably not underestimate the fashion industry though.

My office is freezing. FREEZING! Its sunny outside and I'm sitting here in three layers wishing I'd packed my jumper this morning, but since my cycling outfit was shorts and t-shirt you can see why I thought it'd be OK to leave it at home. Stupid air-conditioning.

On a lighter note

Went round to Henry's last night and ate potato wedges and watched the Apprentice final. Was nice. Wasn't so nice trying to cycle into work this morning after all the vodka and wine I had to drink last night. Mmmmmm wine. Rowley returns from Afghanistan tomorrow with the intention of 'drinking an amount that would make Shane McGowan blush'. I'm going to be HAMMERED.

Slave labour

I've been working ALL day today. ALL DAY. Out of a possible 3.5 hours of work 3.3 of it has been charged to clients. I only did 8 hours of billable work in January. Its almost like I've got a job. The lawyer I share an office with started at 4am. Urgh.

Date night

Met up for a second date with the guy I went shopping in Tesco with. I'm officially going to have to stop using the word 'date' as neither night could've been further from a date. I guess last night sounds like a date ... we got coffee at Whole Foods, took them to Hyde Park and then went back to his place and watched a movie. But in terms of conversation (hot guys, random internet sex he had two days ago) it was most definitely not a date. Think that's a good thing as it seems to me he needs friends more than he needs a boyfriend at the moment and I'm so emotionally retarded that the whole idea of being something other than friends with someone fills me with nameless dread and overwhelming panic. Really nice evening though ... we watched White Chicks! It was OK, he's a big fan and as a result had quoted most of the funny lines by the time they came round so all I could muster was a gentle chuckle of recognition rather than guffaws of merriment, but I've definitely seen worse. The last 30mins I could've lived without (in fact I do live without the last 15mins as it was late and his DVD was scratched).

Its good to be out there though ... actually meeting new people and acting like a person. Its a step forward. All I've got to do now is have two surgeries, loose weight, have therapy and I'll be ready for a relationship. Yay me.

Bane of my life

Just sitting here fuming at my desk when I suddenly remember I have an output for my impotent rage: the internet! Lucky internet. I was in the process of considering my greatest enemy and the scourge of humanity at large: transitions lenses. They are the ugliest, stupidest scab on the face of humanity ever to be propegated by a company. Designed seemingly for people devoid of all taste and style they are at least a lighthouse of social inability. Like the bells they used to make lepers wear they flash hideously from the gormless troll who decided to buy them 'stay away, stay away I have no taste and incapable of forming relationahips'. Bleurgh. I once vowed to kick eveyone I ever met who wore them. This created quite an awkward situation at a restaurant where I worked cause the boss wore them. A stumble and a 'whoops!' managed to disguise (vaguely) my viscious assault on his cankle.

BUY SOME PRESCRIPTION SUNGLASSES YOU CHEAPSKATES. Or stay indoors. If you own transitions then for the sake of everyone on the planet choose the latter option. And for your own sake take them off if you see me coming. BTW if you do own transitions lenses then WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? Don't you watch the news? Transitions lenses are the eyewear of choice for every paedophile on the planet (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/7441793.stm). Should tell you something.

Window into my soul

Here's a little peek into my subconcious ... I imagine the experience will be similar to that of looking at the scary face Michael Keaton shows Geena Davis and Alec Baldwin in Beetlejuice. Last night I had a dream about that girl I met about 2 months ago who is on Shipwrecked. Haven't seen her since. Anyway she went missing and I eventually found out that my close friends Laura and Jack (who are a couple) had murdered her because Jack had raped her and she was going to go to the police. I think that's going to be the plot of the new Pixar movie.

Boozin

Having survived my massive hangover on Saturday, mostly because of the glorious buffet of eggs/sausages/bacon/beans/toast etc served up by the hotel ... what a sight when you're insanely hungover, tears sprang to my eyes ... I killed an hour or so by wandering round St. Helier. Headed to the airport and ended up waiting HOURS because my flight was delayed. Bastard Flybe. To add insult to injury they then flew me back to England on a plane with propellers! PROPELLERS! Not only had I traveled to Jersey but apparently through time as well. Everytime the plane moved, ticked, squeaked or sounded funny I gripped my seat rests and prepared myself for death. Luckily it never came.

Spent the evening with Dave and Deborah, went to Pucci Pizza (v good) and then bars on the Kings Road (v bad) and then back to bars in Putney and to Debs' house. Dave is a friend from law school who lives in Peru and has the greatest job on the planet. Its a testament to how much I like Dave that I enjoy his company and have a laugh with him, anybody else and I would be consumed with the greem flames of incandesent hatred and be forced to murder him, wear his skin and take over his life. He lives on the beach, eats giant Argentinian Lomo steaks that cost him £3, drives around in his 4X4 with his ultra cheap petrol sky diving, surfing, climbing mountains and being chased by gringo-loving uber-hot Peruvian girls. Pure coke is £1 a gram (neither of us indulge but STILL, helps to get the party going for everybody else) and buying a round of drinks for every person in a bar would probably cost $5. Oh and on top of that he works for ten weeks and then gets a three week holiday, for which his company will pay for a flight to and from anywhere in the world. Puts things in persepctive. Couldn't happen to a more deserving guy really, he's Irish (alright there fella, what's the craic? Fancy some boozin later?) and lovely. In fact he's somewhat reminiscent of Colin Farrell's character in scrubs. Great to see him anyway and I can't wait to get over there and see what there is to see and hang out with him some more.

We were up til 4am drinking. Sunday I didn't do much. No surprises there.

Perks of the job

Friday afternoon I was indulged in a serious work-related perk. We had the corporate department dinner and it was held on Jersey. So not only did we get flown down to the Channel Islands and put up in a really nice hotel (http://www.grandjersey.com/Hotel/Photo-Gallery/) but we also go to miss a whole afternoon of work! Ooooooh! Arrived at about 5, went out onto the terrace and smoked (packets of cigarettes £1.50 each on the plane, God bless tax havens) and drank til dinner. It was a big spit roasted pig and it all looked delicious. Unfortunately it was a bit windy so by the time I'd sat down the food was STONE cold and didn't taste of much. Had about 600 beers by way of comepensation. Bonded with people from the Guernsey office, saw Brenda from the X-Factor sing live, threw up, went to bed. I was so drunk that I don't remember about 2 hours at the end of the evening which is a good thing as I was dancing, but a bad thing as so were the middle aged straight guys from my office. Apparently one of them did the splits. Definitely missed out on that. Adrina assures me that I appeared to be sober and did nothing to embarrass myself. I knew all the drinking at St. Andrews would pay dividends at some point.

Egg on my face

I cycled into work this morning and for real, big smile on my face, Mr Bluebird on my shoulder etc etc. I love that my seratonin uptake is so non-existant that a few days of missing excercise and I can't see the wood for the trees. 40mins on a bike later and everything's gravy

Guru

I'm obsessed with this guy: www.arthurdevany.com. This would normally be the point at which I would say I was going to follow his word to the letter, but really I don't know if I have the dedicaton. He's right though. Read this http://www.arthurdevany.com/webstuff/RevisedEssay.pdf and feel inspired!

Did I win yet?

I've been trying very hard recently to win 'least updated blog on the internet' I've not got word from the awards committee yet but I'm sure that has something to do with Royal Mail and the poor standard of carrier pigeon they favour. Its only a matter of time before I am afforded the recognition I deserve. Why the lack of posting? Just been grumpy I guess. Was grumpy on Friday night and crapped out on birthday drinks that I REALLY should have gone to and my mood hasn't improved since. Saturday I spent 10 hours TEN helping Henry move house. He moved from the fourth floor of one building to the fourth floor of another and NEITHER have lifts. UGH. Plus Henry owns so much stuff that it took a rental van, a station wagon and a regular car two trips back and forth to get all his stuff. Only upside was that I got to drive the van and good GOD do I love driving vans.

Sunday I went to see the SATC movie. Everytime I mention the film I call it the 'new' SATC movie. Why? I just typed 'new SATC' and had to delete it. Anywho, went round to Henry's for Cosmos and brunch before heading over to the cinema. The movie was Celine Dion. Explanation: I hate Celine Dion, she makes my blood boil, my fists clench, sweat break out on my brow and I can feel an angry scream building in my throat everytime she winks or does something equally as cheesy [side note, just typing that has made me somewhat enraged] but at the same time I think she has probably the greatest singing voice on the planet right now. In terms of purity of tone and her ability to change note without sliding she is unparalelled. One of my fondest wishes was to take acid and go see her show in Vegas. The visual spectacluar, the soaring voice and my absolute rage would've been quite the experience. To be at once both enraged and blown away, thats what I call a night out. That was the way I felt about the SATC movie. It was at once both terrible and extremely good. The only things I really like about the show are the jokes and the fashion and both were of very high quality in the movie. The bits I don't like about the show (Carrie, relationships, female perspective) were all off-the-charts irritating and the story line was nowhere to be seen. I think I'll like it the more I see it, except for the bits with Jennifer Hudson in which can only get worse. Her prescence in the movie was so shoe-horned in and awkward that it felt like a different movie. So NUL points for Hudson so far - Dreamgirls was EVIL and she was shit in SATC.

Aside from that I've been coming home after work (ugh) and going up to my room (I want my own place) and watching SATC in the dark. Literally all I need is a box of bonbons and I'm a middle aged divorcee cliche. I think my being grumpy might have something to do with the fact that I haven't cycled for a while (too grumpy) and aren't getting my twice daily hit of endorphins, that or the fact that I'm having to wear cycling shorts under my suit to stop my bulging thighs rubbing together through the holes in the crotch of my suit.